Blog

9/17/24 - Fake Bands & Late Nights In the Hole
What I've been listening to lately: "Awaken, My Love!" by Childish Gambino

I've just been having a really good time, and even though I should be really stressed out, life doesn't seem so bad right now. I'm still laying awake at night, but now instead of scrawling alone in the dark I'm giggling about fake band names and track listings that will totally come to fruition. I feel like a teenager again and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I'm afraid to say it out loud because if I do that might make it real, and if it's real then it might come crashing down. But I think this is what happiness is meant to feel like.


7/23/24 - Late Night Musings

I've struggled with sleeping for most of my adult life, so it's nothing new to me. In fact, at this point, I don't know what I'd do if I got a full night's rest on a regular basis. I can't even begin to imagine how productive I'd be. But some nights are worse than others, and I like to think they're blessings in disguise because while I'm laying awake riddled with anxiety I occasionally get inspired to write. Some of my best work has been written in a state of exhaustion with the blanket pulled over my head, aggressively tapping away at my phone before I lose the drive to get it onto (digital) paper. Sure, it needs polishing in the morning and sometimes it's a little incoherent, but it's still good work! Or at least that's what I tell myself :p



I've been putting off finding another therapist because of insurance issues, having to pay out of pocket, and dealing with location problems. But I think it's time I finally settle in and figure everything out. I'm always waiting for the right time to do things, but there will never be a "right" time. I am forever preaching to the people in my life to take care of themselves and grow to the best of their abilities, but I don't hold myself to the same standards. I can't expect them to do it if I don't do it myself, and I certainly don't want to be trapped with my thoughts forever. Who knows, maybe I'll actually get some sleep by the end of it?